I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Literally the only reason we didnt get arrested was because the cop said I reminded him of Steve Stifler from American Pie
I'm worried about your health. And your boobs. Actually, health, then boobs. Health first, boobs second. And third.
my bed is a shrine, and I am its goddess.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
