So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
ugly people sure do ruin things
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
Exactly. So he deserves crazy "thanks for keeping me out of jail" sex. Or an "I'm glad your excessive cocaine habit had some positive outcomes" blowjob.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
That moment when your fucking in an airport bathroom and forget to lock the door. That poor man...scarred forever...
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
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