I came back to the apartment and he was waiting for me, covered in mustard.
needless to say I left
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Until you wake up with a Hustler club stripper in the next room whose nipple you were coerced to lick at Snake & Jake's after breaking up a fight between an Indian and a Filipino, I don't wanna hear about your weird.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
I think you're my mermaid sister. Separated at birth, by sea.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
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