u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
I making dinner, so you might want to actually come home tonight.
oh, you finally did the dishes then?
No, bought new ones.
you were on all fours yelling at the earth to stop spinning.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
I told my mom Jesus would want me to snort drugs on his birthday
I went to steal condoms from your room and all I could find was chik fil a sauce
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
