Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
i grabbed his hand and told him i loved him and then he looked down and said "i love...mallomars" and shoved like three in his mouth. never been so embarrassed.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
last night i reached the point where my boob implants paid for themselves in free drinks. to celebrate lets go out and get more free drinks tonite.
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I don't need to marry the guy. I just need some filthy, shameful wish fulfillment sex and then live out the rest of my life on the bean farm.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Just filed for child support I hope he gets the paperwork on Father's Day
I have all the porn. Be there soon
Who is this?
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
