a pedometer??? no beatles?Steve jobs just took a dump in CA and it landed on my heart
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
I Just realized that having a picture folder that says "not for mom" may give off the wrong impression to wondering eyes
We have nothing in common but the sex rocks, would it be awful to develop a drug habit just to have a topic of conversation?
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
Randomize
