I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
do you guys have 30-35 shot glasses? because if not, i don't even see a point in me coming
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Yeah apparently i called the bartender a "fucking prison warden" after she took my keys and called me a cab
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
