If she's not going to maintain the upkeep of her vag then I'm not going to pay the rent of being her boyfriend
Saw a pregnant woman get a lap dance last night. I love the south.
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
apparently you can't crawl through the drive-thru window
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
A guy just washed his hands in the toilet. No joke
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Well I guess I'll go shower now and wash all the stripper off.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
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