I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
NEVERCLEAR, NEVER AGAIN.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Pretty good. They took the stitches out but it still hurts like a bitch. The doctor says I should be off crutches by next week.
Well, that's good. Let's hope drunk you doesn't sabotage you.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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