Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
you were just eating all his cookies and kept mumbling "them crumblies" when the crumbs got on your shirt.
Apparently I have a urinal in my bedroom
Hahah fuuuck, bag pipers played around me while I threw up. Literally
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
i think we watched the dark knight rises after you left but i might have passed out through most of it. I remember crying at the end though. sad tears then happy tears.
I just had a sex dream about orange juice, so there's that.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Randomize
