3:12 am: but i thought i was coming over tonight, don't fall asleep i wore new underwear
mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
every Thursday i draw one of my friends names out of a hat to choose who i will drunkenly text all weekend
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
I sent "Rawrrrr" to 151 matches on Tinder. I feel like thats a substantial size of the DC female population.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
I sat on the bathroom floor yelling "hell hath no fury!" for about 20 minutes.
It's definitely revenge time.
In case you were wondering how drunk I was last night, there was an unopened slim Jim in front of my door and I ate it.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
And some neighbor just saw me naked and hunched over a bag of potato chips stuffing my face. Maybe clothes aren't a bad idea.
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Randomize
