so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
My mom asked what the mark on my neck was - I told her I burned it with a straightener.
She believed that the monsterous hickey on your neck was a burn?
well, not really. but then i reminded her that my sister has yet to take that pregnancy test and she conviniently forgot about my hickey
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
You asked him if he would have sex with you under the dinosaur. He declined and then you started crying, blaming the sand.
Randomize
