No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
last night they convinced you that a sharpie was a new style of chap stick... so when you wake up, you might want to do something about that
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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