I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
Drinking bud light and eating rice cakes...this is the closest to getting in shape for spring break as its going to get.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I figured out why I insisted on leaving my sweater on the ground outside. I smelled it and I'm 97% sure I peed on it last night
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
Do you think I should still be the condom fairy for Halloween even though I'll be like.. Almost 8 months pregnant?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Let me tell you the story of bicurious george
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Randomize
