Banned from zoo.
Again?
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
My broken door handle makes it really inconvient for when i need to puke at red lights.
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
And fyi howling is not an acceptable form of communication.
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
just saw the most amazing side boob. i wanted to hold it.
I just told my bowl "sorry" for putting it down, because I thought I hurt its feelings. omg. I'm high.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
