Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
she was laying naked in the stream looking for "ribbays", which is apparently drunk for frogs.
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
So the bartender tried kicking me out but i screamed im an RA you cant kick me out
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
the day has come. I have finally reached the point in my life where I just don't give a fuck about anything anymore. it's beautiful!
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
They stopped fighting to partake in M&Ms and porn.
Randomize
