We're facebook friends in real life
with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop texting my girlfriend.
i would really appreciate it if you would stop cock blocking me.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
Still drunk just puked in the meat cooler tried to clean it up with ham. Its not working
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
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