I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
lol hangovers are for mortals.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
