There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
They were like stripper heels, except business stripper heels, the kind strippers would wear to court.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
How many trips to the liquor store in a week constitutes alcoholism?
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I'd still fuck that
You'd fuck a dead moose
Quite possible
We are totally like Jim and Pam, except ya know, drunk and not together anymore.
Randomize