i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
my shit smells like andre
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
She had the hiccups when she was giving me head. It was actually pretty awesome
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Not that you went to little darlings at 3am. But that you checked in on Facebook. C'mon bro. You're better than that.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
