dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
well on the bright side, he charges $60 for an eighth
so he'll probably take me somewhere nice
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
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i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
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He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.