The next morning she woke up and asked who I was and where she was.
Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
CAUTION: TWINS DO NOT HAVE TWIN PENISES.
nothing like Chinese food and masturbating on a Saturday night
So i told him he was the 3rd i have ever slept with and then i found out he had actually slept with 5 other girls besides me. And his reply was well your number one on this hand.
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
He told her hed rather go bobbing for apples in puke than have sex with her.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I just woke up from quarter beer tuesdays wearing 3 pairs of underwear, none of which are the ones I left wearing...2 Around my waist and one around my shoulder in an attempt at a bra. At least drunk me tries to be decent?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
What?? I could've slept with an ordained minister!
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
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