In line at the arbys drive thru on foot. Legendary.
I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
sometimes when i'm drunk i choose the spanish option on the ATM to challenge myself.
I woke up to my dog puking on my bed. Looks like it was a successful night for us all.
Peanut butter balls.
IF YOU EVEN COME NEAR MY BALLS AGAIN I SWEAR TO GOD
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
