I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
Thank you for coming with me today. I find it appropriate that we celebrated my negative pregnancy test with slurpees and donuts.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Stop letting me drink while doing my makeup. I think I used sharpie for eyeliner.
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
Randomize
