he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
You realize it's finals week?
Ya that's the school's fault. St. Patrick's day came first.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
You should've stopped drinking when you started asking people for bites of tequila.
I think rendering her infertile would be a valid community service project
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
This is a crisis. I had a huge crush on him in seventh grade and now his girlfriend is due to have his child on my birthday. HIS CHILD CAN'T BE BORN ON MY BIRTHDAY.
Randomize
