I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
She said to delete the bj video, but I accidentally hit the 'send to her bf' button. My bad
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
the back of my hand read, "say no to drugs." my palm read, "say yes to shots." when the fuck did I write that?
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
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