Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
Her roomates have been scoring her hookups. I got 8.9, best of the week!
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
margarita monday on the first day back? my gpa is telling me noo! but my heart is telling me goo! I am conflicted..
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
It's the warm chocolate goeyness of a brownie combined with the heavenly taste of weed-smell... Why have I never done this before?
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
Randomize
