The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
At barnes & noble, drinking beer out of thermoses, lookin legit.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Puuuub goooolf. Being trashed at 830 never felt so right
Dude what hole are you on?....and its 9:15
hole5. 2 under par. irish nachos
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
I'm so festive that I used my jack o lantern bucket as a just in case barf bin
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
