I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If God is analyzing my life right now extremely proud or dissapointed but either way I took wednesday night drinkin to new levels
Randomize
