I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
$5 long island pitchers = roommate pissing on his laptop at 3am.
What is the protocol for an "i'm sorry I had my ex retrieve me from the bar so I didn't drive drunk" blow job
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
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