Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
She just did a myspace photoshoot with her baby
In Canada she would be a 10 but here in America she's only a 7
what you doin?
I just woke up vomited poured myself a chocolate milk and turned on the peoples court. you?
reread what you just wrote and reconsider your entire life
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
Don't think anyone else in the building has a lunchbox full of yay
Hey there's a sandwich in there too!
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
I had to break it to her that she was not in fact behind the bushes when she peed on the church last night
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
