check it out our google latitudes are spooning
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Our dealer is pledging my frat. When he come to sell me weed I make him take out the garbage.
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
Of course I fucked him. He's a professional beat boxer, his entire job is to do complicated shit with his tongue.
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
I just revenge puked in his shoes. This is gonna be a fun night :)
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