It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
