Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I shaved my pubes to make my cock look like it has a lions mane. to surprise the girl that works at the zoo when she comes over.
Dude if I didn't piss myself last night I dont think I would have woke up in time for work.
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
Just found out my ex boss was running a whore house in the bar. Time to remove her as a reference?
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
It's official. Those are now your come fuck me flipflops
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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