My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
do guys with small dicks even attempt to pursue romantic relationships?
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
CORAL IS FAR MORE RED THAN HER LIPS RED
Oh god you're Sonnet 130 drunk, aren't you.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
I'm high. The text bubbles floating do no justice to the underwater experiences
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
Nobody's dick fell into my mouth tonight
Randomize
