There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
Improvement. She went from pretending she was the soccer ball in the world cup games and it hurt when they kicked her to passed out on the floor.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
I'm going to draw something on my chest and I need to incorporate my nipples. Any ideas?
Randomize
