I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Randomize
