you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
so, are you laying bloody on campus somewhere or did you go out after class and forget to let me know?
bloody. ill be home soon.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Sudden memory flashback: drunk me outside ripping my tampon out and throwing it into the neighbors yard, silently cheering 'time for sexxxx'. I sense a dangerous pattern emerging
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
I love her to death but its like you have to do 5 lines of coke to be on her level.
You can see my drunken state get worse with each picture
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
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