just shaved my legs at the gas station bathroom before going to the club. is that too ghetto?
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
I left my pipe in my center console with a bowl packed when I took my car to the shop, and when I picked it up the weed had been smoked, but my oil change was only half price.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
Why does fireball set life on fire? Your insides, your head, your behavior...
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Randomize
