So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
just woke up and he was jacking off in the corner.. am i being punked?
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
she told me her two favorite things were grocery stores and dick.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
please come over and have sex with me so we can talk about prom and kill 2 birds with one condom
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
