I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
I just pulled a handful of rice out of my pocket.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
Well, I found the missing blow... in my fucking suitcase... THIS MORNING. Yeah, I flew from FL to NY with blow in my suitcase yesterday.
I told you to check, dude
Yeah, AFTER I checked my bag and I was already sitting on a plane. Oh well. I figured worst case I'd do like 15 hours in county and I was totally prepared for that anyways. I always prepare for that when we hang out.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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