I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
And hes hitting me with his balls, really hard.
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
We had a complete conversation while I was giving him head, at one point he even stopped me and said 'I love how we're just hanging out.'
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
If we both stop thinking about your penis for just a moment, we'd realize it is important and good that you are spending quality time with your family
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
wait. i have to tell u something. and it has nothing to do with dildos or spiders
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
It's official we're now working from home permanently. I'm getting paid to have sex and sandwiches. I hit the lottery.
Randomize
