So yesterday I was on craigslist and I saw a listing for a sofa-cum-bed. I knew what they meant...
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
There's guys at my school running around throwing potatoes shouting "remember the famine." makes me proud to be Irish.
I wasnt that drunk. Throwing the table off the third story was totally logical.
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Rick just drank rum out of a dog bowl after a dog already drank out of it.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
So who has the penis shaped party tray? You or your mom?
You left your phone here
Wait...
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
