well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
I think its safe to assume that the 40yr old undergraduate with purple and pink in her hair and a tattoo of the eiffel tower above her ass crack has never actually been to Paris...
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Never thought I'd say this but the maple syrup flavored vodka probably wasn't our best idea
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
You could be a whistle.. And just ask bitches if they want to blow you all night
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Seriously dude...who threw up on Michelle? She's been crying for like an hour
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
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