With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Just saw an old man buy two cases of keystone light, a case of milwaukee's best and a case of icehouse. Degenerate alcoholic of senior citizen of the year?
I'm so glad i pay social security
I hated hipsters before it was mainstream.
mom came into my room and asked to borrow some condoms. We have gotten to the point where it's not awkward anymore.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
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