i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Oh god. Just tried to hail a pizza delivery car. Awkward.
International sake day = success
well we called the liquor store to tell them to stay open five more minutes so we could make it and they recognized our voices. I've never been more proud.
Shit my boyfriend's roommate thinks thinks: I love getting woken up to the sound of my roommate getting a blowjob
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
Randomize
