Goddamnit I hate your level headedness
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I think my cats understand what porn is. And it's all my fault.
Would you even take no as an answer? I have a feeling you see it more as a challenge.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
Saved a second guy who was crying/on the verge of wigging out. Just call me the drug whisperer.
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
We need a shit load of segways right now
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
DUDE!!!!! THERE IS A MIDGET HANDING OUT RICE KRISPIE TREATS!!!!!! WHERE ARE YOU WHEN THE COOL SHIT GOES DOWN???????
Randomize
