Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
You were running around the house covered in syrup, with shredded down pillow feathers on your body screaming "AFLACK!" at everyone
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
The waiter to-go cupped my bloody mary without me even asking. THAT hungover.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I just realized I haven't got laid since the last time the Browns won.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
