Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Just got tipped $5 for distracting some dude's gf while he got another girl's number. Bro-code at its finest.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I had to explain the gravity bong to my mom. Right after she pointed out I have a lot of dicks on my floor at any given moment.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
I had sex in the back of a hot foreign guy with a lacoste eye patch's car
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Randomize
