how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
To bright to open both eye. Get pizza and put in feeding tube so i can sleep more
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
The cab driver just showed us a POV shot of himself getting ridden by a chick he took with his flip phone. Confirmed not taken in cab. Gonna be a good night...
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
Someone keeps hanging up bible verse posters in the bathroom stall I masturbate in at work.
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
Randomize
