I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
Ohhh, TODAY your worried. Becasue last weekend when we warned you about her you said "shes too hot to have herpes."
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
Ice cream and condoms, solid grocery store trip
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
I cannot believe all 4 of us had sex at the same time, in the same bed... And it didn't turn into a foursome..
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Just woke up beside some twink in a kilt.. how is your sunday going
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