The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Mom's drinking. Just asked her if she was good to walk back to the condo. She seemed unsure until she remembered she brought the GPS. We are 2 blocks from the condo.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
I brought up my Bobbly Flay drinking game in the interview. Of course I got the job.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
You ripped his router out of the wall and screamed "I have defeated the matrix"
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