ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
Would 7 layered rainbow jello shots entice you?
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
