i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
Okay I've seen like three girls walking around crying today. Weird?
everyone's regretting their thursdays.
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
I'm to childless and to single to be asking myself why I'm so sticky
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
