I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
He just showed up to brunch with one shoe and only the battery from his phone.
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
My mom just said we can't get married in nude body suits to look like earthworms. She's ruining my life.
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
Randomize
