Crap im kindd 0f drunkk we just hooked up in a mcdonalds parking lot but i dont know why how we are here
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
I'm sober enough to question why I have your name as "the wolverine" in my phone.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
I want to be stormed in. I want to be stuck there. I want to climb a pyramid of strippers to safety
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I woke up and sent him a text that said 'I'm sorry forever'
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
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