So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
Although, to be fair, I am both willing and going to lick marshmallow fluff off of your dick.
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Cat needed to get out last night. Walking to the door was too much effort so I encouraged (pushed) him to leave via window.
Isn't your room on the second floor?
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