im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
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