Miracle whip is the devil's jizz.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
i just got offered coke by a strung out pilot. my night just got a lot more interesting.
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
You can't possibly imagine how much I miss you. At least I'll always have that hidden folder in my computer.
She straight up told me, "I don't care if he films as long as he's quiet." You sure you can't find the camera?
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
Me and this 7 year old almost finished a large pizza. And when I say me and this 7 year old I really mean me.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
I feel sorry for the person who's phone number is 704-1776 cause from now on I'm giving that number to every guy I never wanna talk to again. Happy Independence Day
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
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