so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
He just found another high guy at wal-mart. There now friends. His friend is eating a cupcake
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Then, right before he came he said "I want to buy you so many things!" What the fuck?!
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Randomize
