I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
FIrst one done
How did it go?
I dunno I taled about women being treated wrong and quoted Ice T. So probably a "c"
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Favor? Can you not wear as much glitter on your face this time? Walking in the house looking like a disco ball was enough embarrassment for the week 😒
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
i can feel my liver failing just LOOKING at that thing
Randomize
