dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
She even gives head with a lisp.
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
At one point I yelled "THIS IS MY PENANCE FOR EVERYTHING I'VE DONE WRONG" and started saying Hail Marys
Come to this bar
But I'm full of food.
MAKE ME FULL OF YOUR DICK
The cat ate a weed mint. This is not a drill
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
Randomize
