you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
my bf wants us to fuck our way into the new year.. how original..
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
There's gotta be a lawn gnome full ecstasy around here somewhere. And by golly I will find it
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Randomize
