Jesus wouldn't steal pop tarts. So why did you?
That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
Now that Steinbrenner is in heaven he's going to make Jesus cut his hair
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
I drunkenly took 3 laxatives last night since I felt fat.... this is going to be a rough morning
So question, would you consider it morally wrong to grind up Cialas and put it in ones cocktail? Then I get what I want and he doesn't have to be embarrassed and he can win the mental game with himself? I'm only thinking of him...
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
