O no, u 2 are dating again?
No. I just masturbate furiously to his picture
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
You just wrote a check for drugs...pretty sure you don't have cash for beer..
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I knew it was Christmas when someone handed me a stocking filled with airplane bottles. Ps just woke up 3 days later
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
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