that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
How do I explain the handcuffs and tanning goggles on our living room floor? There's rope too. The cats love the rope.
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
Tell me how you feel about belly buttons
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
He just got really stoned and kept complementing my ponytail
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
Randomize
