is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I bought a dress specifically for face plant durability... this is how serious I am about my drunk status this weekend
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
A valiant attempt to obtain a backhoe was made
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Did you leave ur panties in the sink?
Kitchen or bathroom?
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Hahahahahha. You saved a homeless man. You're actually the mother Teresa of skanks.
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
