I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
Yeah no shit. My mom is giving me winecoolers as we watch a show abt alcoholics
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
Dude, at this rate we're going to get arrested a second time tonight.
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
Some guy in the bathroom just took his shirt off and proceeded to tell me the story behind all of his stab wounds. That's what I get for making small talk
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
The kid with the ed hardy shirt put a bunch of random shit in the washer and turned it on. example: a hanger, the movie Chocolate with Johnny Depp, and your mom's cat
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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