Okay call me later ill be watching lifetime and scrubbing throw up off my feet
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
