your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
found some acid from a couple months ago while looking through christmas lights. Looks like santa came early this year.
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
Drunk walkin through police station. America
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
saying im screwed is like saying the titanic took on a little water.
Randomize
