How is your vagina???
Double booked
With your butt?
Totes, candlesticks and all
Yay!!
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
What is an appropriate "thanks for saving my life" gift? I don't have any experience with this.
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
God damn him and his understanding ways and little hip muscle things.
Hon, I found you crying into a bathrobe in the back of a closet with a broken shoerack.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I think I accidentally invented a religion.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
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