hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
No, and she still hasn't answered me...I get a whole series of text messages about Guatemalan anal bleaching but no fucking answer to my question.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
