umm..so Dad's wearing a thong, I don't know what to do
put a dollar in it?
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
You were sitting in the middle of the floor spewing vodka at people proclaiming "I a whale". That drunk.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
OMFG "ASS" JUST STARTED PLAYING ON MY PHONE VIA PANDORA AS IM IN THE CAR WITH A CONGRESSMAN FUCKKKK
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
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