either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
I just found out the guys at work had a bet as to who could sleep with me before i move away.
Who won?
All of them.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
It would be been irresponsible not to make cleaning the apartment into a drinking game
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
Just found my socks folded and in the back pocket of my jeans. Apparently drunk me refuses to lose shit after the panties incident over New Years.
I'm pleased to know that your mom refers to me as "the ass piliager" now
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
AND I HAVE A NICE COCK! A STRIPPER TOLD ME SO IT MUST BE TRUE!
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Randomize
