What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
A guy in a big stork costume just came to our meeting to give us condoms and t-shirts telling us not to get pregnant. Only at college
birth control should be required to get into college
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
I just fell off my chair and knocked over the table. People are staring. That hungover.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
you did a full monologue with your sober self last night. different voices and everything.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
Pretty sure I love my nipple piercing more than I'll love my children someday
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
i asked her if she was sure that she was ready to do it and she replied with "come at me bro"
Randomize
