I'm twenty-five. I'm too old to be watching my friend throw up in Chipolte Parking lot.
my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
My dick is covered in produce stickers. I suspect you
When he came downstairs he looked at me like I was attempting to rob his house.
Did you reintroduce yourself?
He threatened to call the cops.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
So hypothetically speaking.. say someone dropped their birth control pill in a hot bowl of soup, and it possibly disintegrated.. would it be just as useful?
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
Randomize
