I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
stayed up until 6am doing my presentation on buddhist art and the practice of chanting. took shots. did drugs. the powerpoint now includes a sesame street style game (with chicken/puppy clip art), an xzibit music video (and quotes about section eight and eating steaks), and a reference to a german metal band (universe). this is going to be the best presentation ever
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
He let him chew on his fu man chew. The man has the patience of a saint
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
You cant use biscuit as a chaser
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
