If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
it's like your virginity...sometimes you have to pretend like it's still there
Please tell me the foreign boys in the kitchen this morning were yours.
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
He was uncircumcised
It was like inception. A penis within a penis within a penis
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
We've been here for 9 days, so of course I am high at my in-laws' house.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
