I need help removing her.
I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
At this point it has been so long i wouldnt know what a dick was if it slapped me in the face.
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I just know what's gonna happen. I mean. I shaved my legs up to shorts length. But I'm leaving the rest as a sort of makeshift caution tape.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
