i thought i deleted your number from my phone...Wtf
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
This is the 4 year anniversary of the last time I shit my pants. Let's get drunk...
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
I don`t remember Saturday, actually
Its ok, i dont remember 2007
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
The night went downhill when he took his pants off at our table and walked up to women saying "Special delivery"
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
Randomize
