at some point to night u and I have a 'meeting' too...(1-737): I hope so
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
which bright sisters idea was it to put semi-formal in the middle of no-shave november?
I'd like to apologize to your liver. It sees how much beer i drink and gets jealous of how awesome my liver is.
I'm pretty sure you're not supposed to hit on someone with another guy's semen in your hair. not even at ihop.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
I knew deleting his texts was a bad idea and I was right. I just used the last time we talked to help me figure out when I had my last period
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
