you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
Dude, I just spun my iPhone on my boner without it falling off. I belong in cirque du soleil.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
just got tipped $5 to put a barbie in a waffle cone and drip caramel sauce on it while a group of dudes cheered and one took pics. 90% sure they were sober
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
