My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
She kept saying I was her favorite Jonas brother, and for some reason, I was ok with that.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?
lol... you weighed it?
She's the worst person, but the best naked person
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I need to see a chiropractor after giving that blow job
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
I didn't even respond. Just letting the crazy settle before I calmly fuck his shit up.
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